Personal statement direction

[Johnny Vaughn]

I'm attempting to put together my personal statement. I'm not quite sure if I'm heading in the right direction. Is this more of a diversity statement or could it work as a personal statement. This is the first paragraph:

"I have always been around the law, just not the way most would anticipate growing up. Both sides of my family, including my mom and dad, has had their fair share of involvement with the law. Except they were always on the wrong side of it. Instead of protecting and guaranteeing people their rights, they were the ones being protected. Growing up I always had a heroism view of lawyers. Since my grandmother would tell me my parents’ lawyer would make them return home sooner. Despite me witnessing everybody close to me succumb to the law, I never had a bad view of it. I knew laws were made to protect us, even if it meant only seeing my mother or father through glass for months -sometimes years- at a time. "

Any feedback is appreciated!

[Dave Killoran]

Hey Johnny,

Some quick comments here since I'm trying to close out my workday

First, I like this opening. It's interesting. I am almost always wary of statements that address someone's relationship with, and interest in, the law, but I like what you've done here! One comment—these two sentences should be made into one: "Growing up I always had a heroism view of lawyers. Since my grandmother would tell me my parents’ lawyer would make them return home sooner." Could it work as a full statement? Definitely. But, as always, it depends on how the rest is executed.

Second, if you haven't yet checked it out, please review my free seminar on the Personal Statement. It can be found at: http://www.powerscore.com/lsat/help/#free-lessons, as the sixth link down under "Recorded/Archived Lessons." It contains a number of tips I've collected over the years, and quite nicely you've already done one of the main ones, which is to provide an opening that catches attention and hooks the reader. Nice job!

Thanks!