Why X law School

[zanardin]

I have written "why x law school" statements for a few schools-some that ask for them and a couple for reach schools I want to give an extra push to. I attached one below..is this what a why x school statement should sound like? do you have any comments or suggestions?

I hope to bring my experiences from New York as well as those from places across the U.S. and the world to my study and practice of law in Northern California. I am interested in attending X school because of the dynamic and interdisciplinary education it fosters and its demonstrated commitment to supporting students in their preparation to practice public interest law.

The school’s extensive clinic and field placement offerings, innovative research centers, and network of outside programs and schools will allow me to gain practical experience, work directly with clients, and problem solve while still a student. I am confident that these opportunities, combined with the strong and diverse course offerings at UC Berkeley, will allow me to pursue an innovative and ethical approach to practicing law in order to entice change and improve communities.

I am attracted to X school's diverse and inclusive student body, as well as its close and supportive academic environment, maintained through the school’s innovative approach to evaluating student performance. I am also excited about the flexibly granted to students at X school. The opportunity to select specific elective courses during my first year will allow me to engage with specific areas of the law and develop a strong personal program of study.

If admitted, I hope to participate in the Social Justice Program. My work as a tenant organizer in New York City as well as my work with adult immigrants in Boston has inspired me to study immigration law and housing law. I am excited about the opportunities at the East Bay Community Law Center, particularly the Housing Law Clinic and Immigration Law Clinic. As president of the Boston College Water Justice Group, I was involved in building awareness about the exploitation of natural resources and the manipulation of their price and availability. I am interested in further exploring these issues by studying environmental law and how it relates to social justice and human rights. UC Berkeley provides an excellent location for investigating these ideas, and I am very interested in working with California Rural Legal Assistance through the Environmental Justice Practice Project and participating in the Green-Collar Communities Clinic.

[Lucas Moreau]

Hey, zanardin,

First off, this is a pretty good letter, all things considered. When you're writing a "Why X law school" letter, remember that you're not just answering the question "Why do I want to go to X law school?" You're also answering the question "Why does X law school want me to attend?" You're selling yourself in addition to displaying your interest. Any law school, especially prestigious ones, have limited seats and want to save them for students they believe will get the most out of them.

I do have a couple of suggestions. Your sentence structure is a little too unwieldy. Namely, some of your lengthier multi-compound sentences could stand to be broken down into two or more sentences. I understand the feeling completely - semicolons, em dashes and even commas let you feel like you can keep going forever. Long-windedness is characteristic of the legal profession, of course.

Also, you used the word "innovative" three times in two paragraphs. You may want to be careful about overusing exciting adjectives like that and "dynamic" and the like. Rather than just saying that Berkeley has an "innovative approach to evaluating student performance", describe exactly what aspect of it you find appealing.

Your last paragraph is your strongest: full of concrete achievements and definite goals. This is what admissions officers want to see when they read things like this. Not that the preceding paragraphs are wrong or useless - far from it. But this is the firm foundation that your lofty aspirations of the previous few paragraphs rest on. No suggestions here, it looks great. Might want to add a conclusory paragraph after this one, though.

Other than that, I like the sound of it. Be sure to not use this as a "form" letter, but individually tailor each letter to each school. Good luck!

Hope that helps,
Lucas Moreau
PowerScore

[zanardin]

Thank you for your response Lucas. Below is a revised version based on your comments/ Does it sounds any better? too long? Thank you!



I hope to bring my experiences from New York as well as those from places across the U.S. and the world to my study and practice of law in Northern California. I am interested in attending UC Berkeley School of Law because of the dynamic and interdisciplinary education it fosters and its demonstrated commitment to supporting students in their preparation to practice public interest law.

The school’s extensive clinic and field placement offerings, progressive research centers, and network of outside programs and schools will allow me to engage in problem solving, service, and practical experience while still a student. I am confident that these opportunities, combined with strong course offerings, will allow me to pursue an analytical and ethical approach to practicing law.

If admitted, I hope to participate in the Social Justice Program. My work as a tenant organizer in New York City as well as my work with adult immigrants in Boston has inspired me to study immigration law and housing law. I am excited about the opportunities at the East Bay Community Law Center, particularly the Housing Law Clinic and Immigration Law Clinic. I also hope to contribute to the Chief Justice Earl Warren Institute on Law and Social Policy in its examination of immigration policies with a focus on issues related to immigrants in California.

As president of the Boston College Water Justice Group, I was involved in building awareness about the exploitation of natural resources by multinational corporations and their manipulation of the availability and price of these resources. I am interested in exploring the relationship between environmental law nd human rights. UC Berkeley provides an excellent location for investigating these ideas. I hope to work with California Rural Legal Assistance through the Environmental Justice Practice Project as well as participate in the Community University Research and Action for Justice through the Henderson Center in order to further understand and respond to the synthesis of environmental and human justice.

Last year I lived in an intentional community with seven other women. We each put our entire paycheck into a group account, which we managed together to pay for rent, groceries, transportation, and modest personal spending. We committed to cooking and eating meals together and spending two nights a week with each other to do a spiritual reflection, have a discussion, or go to a local event. This experience strengthened my commitment to personal relationships and cooperation as I grew in empathy and responsibility. I am attracted to UC Berkeley’s diverse and inclusive student body, as well as its supportive and collaborative academic environment, maintained through the school’s approach to evaluating student performance without traditional grades or class rank. I will contribute to the open and cooperative attitude in my work and interaction. I am also excited about the flexibly granted to students at UC Berkeley as I hope to pursue a independent and creative course experience. The opportunity to select elective courses during my first year will allow me to engage with specific areas of the law and develop a strong personal program of study.

In closing, I believe that UC Berkeley School of Law is a good fit for my personality, learning style, and professional aspirations. Its unique atmosphere and programs will allow me to contribute my experiences and ideas to the school and outside communities in the most meaningful way, both as a student and eventually as a committed graduate.

[KelseyWoods]

Hi Zanardin,

I like the changes you made! Your second draft is much more specific which is great for essays like these. Schools really want a sense that you have researched them and have concrete reasons for wanting to go there. They don't want an essay that sounds like you could just change the name and send it to any school. With this essay I can tell that you've really thought a lot about Berkeley specifically and how it fits with your personality and goals. I also like how you tie your personal experiences to the attributes of the school that you like.

One suggestion I have that you can feel free to take or leave, is that I would start your paragraphs with what you like about Berkeley and then talk about your specific personal experience that ties in with that attribute. As Lucas said, you absolutely want to show both why you want to go there and why they should want you to attend. But it answers the question more directly to start with why you want to go there and then explain why you want to go there with a bit about why they should want you to go there. It would also help make your structure a little clearer.

I think you actually did what I'm trying to describe in the third paragraph pretty well. But I would like to see it in the fourth and fifth paragraphs also. For example, in the fifth paragraph, I was a little confused about why you were talking about living in the intentional community. By the end of the paragraph it made perfect sense but you might start the paragraph with a brief sentence about how you appreciate Berkeley's community and then go into your experience in the intentional community and which parts of Berkeley's community appeal to you. The content is all there -- you just need to rearrange a bit and/or add intro sentences.

With the closing paragraph, I would try to be just a little more specific. What type of personality/learning style/professional aspirations? What makes the atmosphere "unique"? You did so well with specifics in the rest of the essay and you want to end strong with a paragraph that still sounds specific to Berkeley. Right now, it seems like it could be sent to any school and it doesn't pull together all of the great things you talked about above

Also, something that is nitpicky but will be important for your final draft, I spotted a few typos. There's an "nd" in the 4th paragraph that should be an "and." The second to last paragraph says "flexibly" instead of "flexibility." And in that same paragraph it says "a independent" instead of "an independent."

Overall, I think you have a strong essay here! Just a few more tweaks and polishing!

Hope this helps!

Best,
Kelsey