supplemental statement-comments please

[zanardin]

I am looking for advice on this optional statement. The prompt is: how would you define global common good? provide an example of how you have contributed to the global common good

I understand the global common good as the economic and social health of society. While taken as a whole on a universal scale, it is built upon the well being of local communities and individuals. The development of the common good requires a standard equality of opportunity so that each person has the ability to share resources and use their skills in order to maintain a happy and productive life. Our creation and consumption of material goods and wealth that irrationally robs other people of those same goods and wealth weakens the common good, and the support of those who are marginalized from access to goods, services, and attention must be prioritized. The global common good is promoted by awareness and cooperation among people of different backgrounds, cultures, and experiences in an effort to create sustainable communities, businesses, and networks.

Last year I lived in an intentional community with seven other women in Harlem, New York. Along with spirituality and social justice, we chose to live out the values of simple living and community. In doing so we contributed to the global common good in a number of ways.

We each accepted $500 a month from the particular public service organizations we worked for. We all put our entire paycheck into a shared bank account. As a group, we managed our account to pay for rent, groceries, transportation, and modest personal spending. We realized that combining our resources and sharing among ourselves allowed us to live on smaller individual incomes, freeing the excess funds to the benefit of the organizations we worked and the people they served.

We ate together most evenings, each of us taking turns to cook a meal made from scratch. We decided to take on a sustainability challenge each month. One month we did not eat meat, another month we did not buy any plastic water bottles or containers. In our attempt to reduce our use of resources and products whose production takes resources away from other people unnecessarily, we learned how to make responsible and ethical choices about our consumption of common resources.

We made a conscious decision to give our time and attention to each other every day. We chose to live without cable and Internet, and we had a spirituality night and a community night each week. During spirituality night, we explored a particular faith or engaged in a dynamic reflection. During community night, we went to a local event or played board games together. The effort to maintain personal relationships taught me how to be more understanding and collaborative with those around me and appreciate other people’s insight and opinions. I grew in my ability to let go of my personal agenda and desires in order to focus on how I can contribute to the good of the community, and I practiced lending my skills and ideas to positive teamwork. This experience allowed me to grow in empathy and responsibility towards the people around me, and self-confidence to actively challenge societal norms in order to continue to promote the global common good.

[zanardin]

Sorry-edited version!!!!


I understand the global common good as the economic and social health of society. It is built upon the well being of communities and individuals, which depends on strong neighborhoods, local businesses, and the liveliness of community programs.

The development of the common good requires a standard equality of opportunity so that each person can share resources and use their skills to maintain a happy and productive life. This standard should be backed by just laws and policies and promoted through peoples’ decisions and actions.

The support of those who are marginalized from access to goods, services, and attention must be prioritized in order to counteract our creation and consumption of wealth and material goods that irrationally robs other people of access to those same resources. The global common good is further promoted by awareness and cooperation among people of different backgrounds and experiences to create connected networks of support.

Last year I lived in an intentional community with seven other women in Harlem, New York. Along with spirituality and social justice, we chose to live out the values of simple living and community.

We each accepted $500 a month from the particular public service organization we worked for. We all put our entire paycheck into a shared bank account. As a group, we managed our account to pay for rent, groceries, transportation, and modest personal spending. We realized that combining our resources and sharing among ourselves allowed us to live on smaller individual incomes, freeing excess funds to benefit of the organizations we worked for and the people they served.

We ate together most evenings, each of us taking turns to cook a meal made from scratch using local ingredients when possible. To reduce our use of resources and unethical products, we decided to take on a sustainability challenge each month. One month we did not eat meat, another month we did not buy any plastic water bottles or containers. We even tried to compost on our tiny roof, most of which ended up in a rotting mess. But through these simple changes we learned how to approach consumption thoughtfully and use resources more responsibly.

We made a conscious decision to give our attention and time to each other every day. We lived without cable and Internet, and we had spirituality and community night each week, during which we engaged in a dynamic reflection, went to a local event, or played board games. Focusing on personal relationships taught me how to be more understanding and collaborative with those around me and appreciate other people’s insight and opinions. I grew in my ability to let go of my personal agenda and desires in order to focus on how I can contribute to the good of the community, and I practiced lending my skills and ideas to positive teamwork.

With my community, I was able to contribute to the global common good in an immediate and real way throughout the year. But my experience also gave me the desire and confidence to actively challenge societal norms and permanently alter my attitude and lifestyle in the spirit of the common good.

[KelseyWoods]

Hi Zanardin,

I think you have a solid draft here! I liked the changes you made from the first version you posted to the edited version. But I have a few suggestions:

You very clearly answered both questions provided in the prompt, but it would make the essay more engaging to connect those answers together more. I was a little bored for the first few paragraphs of definition but I really got interested once you started talking about the intentional community you lived in. I would start off by describing the intentional community and then show how it illustrates what your definition of the global common good is. If you can connect specific examples to each point of your definition, that would be great. You definitely want to make sure you respond specifically to the prompt, but interweaving the answers would keep readers more interested. It's a bit dry to just read a definition, especially when you have such a great example of how you contributed to the global common good that can bring that definition to life!

Another suggestion I have would be to make sure you tie the idea of living simple in a small community to the idea of global common good. I agree that these ideas absolutely connect, but I think you could draw the line a little more explicitly for the reader. Some of that will probably come naturally from interweaving your personal experience in the small community with your definition of global common good.

And just a small style note, you have several paragraphs and sentences that start with "We." You might want to vary your sentence structure up a bit with those.

As I said, I think you've got a great start here! It's awesome that you have an experience that obviously shows how you contributed to the global good

Hope this helps! Good luck with your applications!

Best,
Kelsey

[zanardin]

Kelsey,

Thank you for your review and suggestions. Below is a revised version. If you have time to look over it that would be great!

Last year I lived in an intentional community with seven other women in Harlem, New York. We chose to live out the values of simple living, community, social justice, and spirituality. Through this experience, I developed a clearer understanding of the global common good as I worked with my community to strengthen it.

I understand the global common good as the collective economic and social health of every person. The common good implies that each person has the ability to share resources in order to contribute to society and live a comfortable life. This requires that no creation or consumption rob any individual or group of basic goods or opportunities. The continual development of the global common good involves totally inclusive cooperation among people of different backgrounds and experiences as well as attention and service to the marginalized.

While living in Harlem, I learned how to best contribute to the global common good on a local level. I learned to let go of my personal agenda in order to contribute to the good of the community while lending my ideas and skills to positive teamwork. My community and I developed the confidence to actively challenge societal norms and permanently alter our attitudes and choices to live in active pursuit of the common good. We created an experience of the common good within our community. This reality extends and intertwines with similar experiences to build the strength and breadth of the common good onto a global scale.

My community and I dedicated our time and skills to serving people who lack the ability to fully participate in the common good. We each worked full-time for a particular social service organization in the city. We created an environment of equal opportunity by combining our individual incomes and sharing our resources. We each accepted $500 a month from the organization we worked for, and put our entire paycheck into a shared bank account. As a group, we managed our account to pay for rent, groceries, transportation, and modest personal spending. We realized that by collaborating with common resources, we could thrive while living on smaller individual incomes and allowing excess money and resources to go to others in our community and city.

To further reduce our use of resources and products whose production exploits people or nature, we made meals from scratch using local ingredients and took on a sustainability challenge each month. One month we did not eat meat, another month we did not buy any plastic water bottles or containers. Through these simple changes we learned how to approach consumption thoughtfully and use resources more responsibly.

My community made a conscious decision to give our time and attention each other. We lived without cable and Internet and cooked and ate together most evenings. We had weekly community meetings to discuss schedules, ideas, and disagreements. By focusing on personal relationships, we created a network of understanding and support while growing in cooperation and appreciation.

.

[KelseyWoods]

Hi Zanardin,

I like the changes you made. I think this essay is almost there!

I have a couple thoughts. Feel free to take them or leave them

I liked the short concluding paragraph you had in the earlier draft and I think you should include it or at least some sort of concluding paragraph. I think you could probably take some of that 3rd paragraph and put it back into a short concluding paragraph.

I also think the 4th paragraph goes into a little too much detail. I would say you could probably get rid of the 4th and 5th sentences because you basically said what they said already in the 3rd sentence. I'm always a proponent of less is more. I think taking out those sentences makes the paragraph and the essay read a little snappier. Also, don't feel like you have to meet the word max when you can answer the question well with fewer words

Hope this helps! Best of luck!

Kelsey