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 bruceaquizzer1
  • Posts: 1
  • Joined: Jan 05, 2016
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#21538
I would appreciate any help! I know I need it!Thanks!

I had no idea my family wasn’t normal. At least, not until the day that our teacher asked us to bring in a picture of our family. As I went home that day, I searched and searched for a family picture, but to no avail. I was on my way to ask my parents about it, when I spotted a large, china plate fly into the wall. It wasn’t long before that was followed by loud cursing, and eventually gunshots. No one was injured but apparently someone had called the police and they soon showed up, along with the department of social services. And that’s when everything started to change.
I didn’t know it, but at that time both of my parents had been heavy drug users. This along with their constant fighting, eventually caused me to be put with a foster family. Even at this age, I knew what was going on but I chose to find the good in the situation. In this case, an older boy in the foster family taught me how to terrorize his sisters by flushing the toilet when they were taking a shower. I have to say, there’s always two ways to look at everything in life, and I have always chosen to look at the positive side of everything.

My father and my mother separated, and at last I was returned to live with my father. My mother on the other hand, had left the state. Things went on fine until that night. On that night I was awakened by the loud, screams of anguish by my father. My life had just completely changed forever. At the age of 7, I had just learned that my mother had been brutally murdered over drugs.

At that point in my life, I decided that no matter what I would work my hardest to not only make up for my mother’s lackluster life, but also to be someone who she could have been proud of. From that day on, not a day goes by that I don’t think about her, and not a day goes by that I don’t give whatever I’m doing my all. I’ve never given up on anything in my life. Even in playing sports, I have been losing badly but still giving my all. No matter the circumstances, with hard work, anything is possible.
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 Dave Killoran
PowerScore Staff
  • PowerScore Staff
  • Posts: 5994
  • Joined: Mar 25, 2011
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#21571
bruceaquizzer1 wrote:I would appreciate any help! I know I need it!Thanks!

I had no idea my family wasn’t normal. At least, not until the day that our teacher asked us to bring in a picture of our family. As I went home that day, I searched and searched for a family picture, but to no avail. I was on my way to ask my parents about it, when I spotted a large, china plate fly into the wall. It wasn’t long before that was followed by loud cursing, and eventually gunshots. No one was injured but apparently someone had called the police and they soon showed up, along with the department of social services. And that’s when everything started to change.
I didn’t know it, but at that time both of my parents had been heavy drug users. This along with their constant fighting, eventually caused me to be put with a foster family. Even at this age, I knew what was going on but I chose to find the good in the situation. In this case, an older boy in the foster family taught me how to terrorize his sisters by flushing the toilet when they were taking a shower. I have to say, there’s always two ways to look at everything in life, and I have always chosen to look at the positive side of everything.

My father and my mother separated, and at last I was returned to live with my father. My mother on the other hand, had left the state. Things went on fine until that night. On that night I was awakened by the loud, screams of anguish by my father. My life had just completely changed forever. At the age of 7, I had just learned that my mother had been brutally murdered over drugs.

At that point in my life, I decided that no matter what I would work my hardest to not only make up for my mother’s lackluster life, but also to be someone who she could have been proud of. From that day on, not a day goes by that I don’t think about her, and not a day goes by that I don’t give whatever I’m doing my all. I’ve never given up on anything in my life. Even in playing sports, I have been losing badly but still giving my all. No matter the circumstances, with hard work, anything is possible.

Hey Bruce,

Thanks for posting this! I think the elements of something really good are here, but it feels like it's only partially finished and that what is here needs more work. I'd focus on expanding what you have, smoothing out the story, and then tying things together to deliver a stronger overall message, and ending. Right now, there's not really enough to critique, but if you keep mining this direction, I think it's promising.

These statements are really difficult to write, but keep writing, editing, re-reading, writing again, and you can polish this up nicely I think. If you need help, let us know—this is a perfect candidate for one of our Personal statement packages.

Thanks!

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