Addendum Feedback

[aazizofa]

This is a second draft of my addendum. Any help or feedback is appreciated.
_____________________________________
I have a 2.6 GPA.
I have a 2.6 GPA, and it completely devastates me.
That number represents the worst of me, and I hope I can prove that it isn’t indicative of my dedication to school, or my ability to do well.
I had to live at home during college. It was an abusive atmosphere, but it was something that I thought I could handle. I was wrong, and I slowly drowned. Some days, I had to miss class because there was a war at home. My parents were screaming, and my mother was crying, and I would stay home to take care of her. I would stay home to make sure my father didn’t hurt her. Some days, I couldn’t go to class because the bruises my parents gave me were too visible. Some days, the ones I gave to myself were. The beginning of my third year of college, I tried to kill myself. It was miserable and terrifying and lonely, like all tragic things are. That was the weakest moment of my life, and recovering from it took me a long time.
But when I did, it was absolutely worth everything. I learned so much about myself, what I want, and what it takes for me to be happy. I was still living at home, and I still had bad days, but I was infinitely stronger. Once I was happy with myself, it became clear to me that I had to prove my worth, prove that Cornell should take a chance on me.
I knew my grades weren’t indicative of my passion. I always did better in my major-related classes than I did in GECs, so I tried to counteract this. My last semesters at Ohio State, I retook the courses that I had gotten the lowest grades in. By retaking them and gettings As, I wanted to prove that I was capable of doing well. I wanted to be able to point at something tangible, to show that I had changed, to show that I wasn’t giving up.
Similarly, I knew that my first LSAT score (158) wasn’t good enough. I decided to sit out a year after graduation, and pour myself into studying. This December, after 18 months of LSAT based nausea, I got a 165. I went from 77th percentile to 91st. And I’m so pleased to be able to show proof of my commitment and ambition.
I love my education, and I am so dedicated to furthering it at law school. I’m devastated that my GPA doesn’t reflect that, but I hope that I’ve proved I’m worth taking a chance on, and I’m worth being a part of Cornell Law School’s incoming class.
There’s a quote, it says we can’t judge an ocean by its weakest wave. I’m not foolish enough to compare myself to an ocean, but I do hope that the weakest parts of me don’t push you away.

[David Boyle]

This is a second draft of my addendum. Any help or feedback is appreciated.
_____________________________________
I have a 2.6 GPA.
I have a 2.6 GPA, and it completely devastates me.
That number represents the worst of me, and I hope I can prove that it isn’t indicative of my dedication to school, or my ability to do well.
I had to live at home during college. It was an abusive atmosphere, but it was something that I thought I could handle. I was wrong, and I slowly drowned. Some days, I had to miss class because there was a war at home. My parents were screaming, and my mother was crying, and I would stay home to take care of her. I would stay home to make sure my father didn’t hurt her. Some days, I couldn’t go to class because the bruises my parents gave me were too visible. Some days, the ones I gave to myself were. The beginning of my third year of college, I tried to kill myself. It was miserable and terrifying and lonely, like all tragic things are. That was the weakest moment of my life, and recovering from it took me a long time.
But when I did, it was absolutely worth everything. I learned so much about myself, what I want, and what it takes for me to be happy. I was still living at home, and I still had bad days, but I was infinitely stronger. Once I was happy with myself, it became clear to me that I had to prove my worth, prove that Cornell should take a chance on me.
I knew my grades weren’t indicative of my passion. I always did better in my major-related classes than I did in GECs, so I tried to counteract this. My last semesters at Ohio State, I retook the courses that I had gotten the lowest grades in. By retaking them and gettings As, I wanted to prove that I was capable of doing well. I wanted to be able to point at something tangible, to show that I had changed, to show that I wasn’t giving up.
Similarly, I knew that my first LSAT score (158) wasn’t good enough. I decided to sit out a year after graduation, and pour myself into studying. This December, after 18 months of LSAT based nausea, I got a 165. I went from 77th percentile to 91st. And I’m so pleased to be able to show proof of my commitment and ambition.
I love my education, and I am so dedicated to furthering it at law school. I’m devastated that my GPA doesn’t reflect that, but I hope that I’ve proved I’m worth taking a chance on, and I’m worth being a part of Cornell Law School’s incoming class.
There’s a quote, it says we can’t judge an ocean by its weakest wave. I’m not foolish enough to compare myself to an ocean, but I do hope that the weakest parts of me don’t push you away.

Hello aazizofa,

Some of the same things obtain here, as with the things I commented on re your personal statement. I have to say, that "There’s a quote, it says we can’t judge an ocean by its weakest wave. I’m not foolish enough to compare myself to an ocean, but I do hope that the weakest parts of me don’t push you away." is sort of a nice turn of phrase!
Obviously, the rise in your LSAT score will be helpful, I'm guessing.
"GEC" is a general education class? It wasn't clear to me.
Finally, if one may ask, do you have any witnesses or proof of the various bad things that happened to you, e.g., some friend or professor who can confirm that you were living in an abusive situation? That might make your assertions seem more credible or forceful to the committee. Just a thought.
Best of luck,

Hope this helps,
David

[Nikki Siclunov]

Hi aazizofa,

I agree with David about the last sentence - it's an awesome conclusion, one that will leave a lasting impression. One thing I would do differently, however, is tone down the rhetoric a bit. Addenda are supposed to be very matter-of-fact: here's what happened, here's how it affected my performance, here's how I managed to recover and learn from that experience. Also, addenda are usually much shorter than this (one or two paragraphs, if that).

First, I can't even imagine what you had to go through in college, but what you're describing is just terrible. It would indeed be helpful if a professor or a dean can substantiate your claims, but it's not necessary. What is less than clear, however, is how you recovered from that situation. Did you find your calling in school? How did you find what it takes for you to be happy? Did you seek professional help? What did it take to recover from the weakest moment of your life?

Also, you are using very, very strong language here, which caught me off-guard. To say that your GPA "devastates" you, or that it represents "the worst of you" is a bit far-fetched (if it's actually true, some might regard such an admission as a problem in and of itself). Consider toning that down.

I also think that the last three paragraphs (after "I knew my grades weren't...") can be shortened a bit. Take a look at how I revised them:

The grades I received during my freshman and sophomore [?] years at Ohio State were clearly not representative of my academic abilities. To prove that, I re-took the courses in which I had gotten the lowest grades, earning straight A's in all of them. Unfortunately, the LSAC averages all grades earned toward the completion of my undergraduate degree, which lowers my UGPA. I approached my first attempt at the LSAT with the same commitment to prove that I am capable of so much more. Eighteen months later, I managed to increase my score from 158 to 165.

There’s a saying we can’t judge an ocean by its weakest wave. I’m not foolish enough to compare myself to an ocean, but I do hope that the weakest parts of me don’t push you away.

See what I did? Being brief and to the point can sometimes pack in just as much of a punch. I removed the parts that struck me as a bit too dramatic or self-indulgent. Don't take it personally - it's really difficult to strike the right balance, especially when describing something so traumatic.

Let me know what you think.

Thanks,