Personal Statement- Feedback Welcome!

[laurensmith15]

So this is kind of a mess at the moment. I wanted to differentiate myself from other applicants and I thought explaining my (sort of) unique reasoning for wanting to attend law school might be a good way to do that. However, I'm a little afraid that I took things too far. Any commentary would be much appreciated!

I have always had a fondness for words. As the daughter of a journalist, this was probably fairly inevitable for me. One of my earliest memories is sitting on the floor of my living room, begging my parents to listen to me spell just one more word. H-A-P-P-Y. The way I would feel when I started reading chapter books before everyone else in my Kindergarten class and again when I got special permission from the librarian to read Margaret Mitchell’s several hundred page long classic, Gone With the Wind in sixth grade.

Words would continue to bring me joy throughout my primary education and into high school. As I got older, I began to pay more attention to how words were communicated and how this communication affected people.

At age sixteen, when all of my friends spent their summers laying out by the pool, I applied to and was selected for a high-profile journalism camp in Washington D.C. This experience completely changed my life. The camp hosted dozens of speakers from the media world and we, as budding journalists, were encouraged to ask them anything that we wanted. I spent the week in awe as we rubbed elbows with MSNBC reporters and received VIP tours of The Washington Post headquarters and the Newseum. Wide-eyed with pen in hand, I was exposed to public relations for the first time when a presidential press secretary gave a lecture. A career that allowed you to control what information was communicated— my interest was piqued.

During my freshman year of college, I took an internship on a whim. At the time, I didn’t realize that this experience would shape my interest in public relations into a passion. Allied Integrated Marketing, the company that I was working for was hired by various entertainment companies to promote upcoming movies to the Dallas market. That particular year, the movie that was taking up the most of our time was The Hunger Games. The stars of the movie were on a well-publicized mall tour and Dallas was one of their stops. Being the avid reader that I am, I was wild with excitement at the opportunity to meet the actors who would be bringing one of my favorite books to life. But on the day of the event, it wasn’t the actors who held my attention, but rather their publicist. Before each interview, she would brief the actors on what they needed to say and how they needed to behave, in order to cast the movie in the best light. I was completely mesmerized by the way she coached the actors. I felt like I was witnessing my future.

From that point forward, my love of words had been transformed into a clear path that I wanted my life to take. I spent the rest of my college career learning as much as I could about public relations, even going so far as to transfer colleges to the University of Texas, a school that is consistently recognized as one of the top PR schools in the country. However, the closer I came to receiving my degree, the more I realized that I wasn’t finished learning.

I want to study the law because I want to continue learning about words. My passion for communication hasn’t been quelled and I eventually see myself pursuing a career as a publicist, but I want to this from the standpoint of an attorney. Words can be interpreted in so many different ways and I can’t be satisfied to just read or write them without understanding their impact. Although my experience in law school will likely be atypical, I can’t imagine moving forward in my career without earning a law degree first.

[Dave Killoran]

So this is kind of a mess at the moment. I wanted to differentiate myself from other applicants and I thought explaining my (sort of) unique reasoning for wanting to attend law school might be a good way to do that. However, I'm a little afraid that I took things too far. Any commentary would be much appreciated!

I have always had a fondness for words. As the daughter of a journalist, this was probably fairly inevitable for me. One of my earliest memories is sitting on the floor of my living room, begging my parents to listen to me spell just one more word. H-A-P-P-Y. The way I would feel when I started reading chapter books before everyone else in my Kindergarten class and again when I got special permission from the librarian to read Margaret Mitchell’s several hundred page long classic, Gone With the Wind in sixth grade.

Words would continue to bring me joy throughout my primary education and into high school. As I got older, I began to pay more attention to how words were communicated and how this communication affected people.

At age sixteen, when all of my friends spent their summers laying out by the pool, I applied to and was selected for a high-profile journalism camp in Washington D.C. This experience completely changed my life. The camp hosted dozens of speakers from the media world and we, as budding journalists, were encouraged to ask them anything that we wanted. I spent the week in awe as we rubbed elbows with MSNBC reporters and received VIP tours of The Washington Post headquarters and the Newseum. Wide-eyed with pen in hand, I was exposed to public relations for the first time when a presidential press secretary gave a lecture. A career that allowed you to control what information was communicated— my interest was piqued.

During my freshman year of college, I took an internship on a whim. At the time, I didn’t realize that this experience would shape my interest in public relations into a passion. Allied Integrated Marketing, the company that I was working for was hired by various entertainment companies to promote upcoming movies to the Dallas market. That particular year, the movie that was taking up the most of our time was The Hunger Games. The stars of the movie were on a well-publicized mall tour and Dallas was one of their stops. Being the avid reader that I am, I was wild with excitement at the opportunity to meet the actors who would be bringing one of my favorite books to life. But on the day of the event, it wasn’t the actors who held my attention, but rather their publicist. Before each interview, she would brief the actors on what they needed to say and how they needed to behave, in order to cast the movie in the best light. I was completely mesmerized by the way she coached the actors. I felt like I was witnessing my future.

From that point forward, my love of words had been transformed into a clear path that I wanted my life to take. I spent the rest of my college career learning as much as I could about public relations, even going so far as to transfer colleges to the University of Texas, a school that is consistently recognized as one of the top PR schools in the country. However, the closer I came to receiving my degree, the more I realized that I wasn’t finished learning.

I want to study the law because I want to continue learning about words. My passion for communication hasn’t been quelled and I eventually see myself pursuing a career as a publicist, but I want to this from the standpoint of an attorney. Words can be interpreted in so many different ways and I can’t be satisfied to just read or write them without understanding their impact. Although my experience in law school will likely be atypical, I can’t imagine moving forward in my career without earning a law degree first.

Hey Lauren,

Thank for posting this! I'm going to make a few quick comments and suggest some changes, but overall this is a good start and I think it has a lot of promise

First, I think we can see that this is a rough draft, so I'm sure you already know that it needs further editing (examples from just the first paragraph: "probably fairly inevitable for me" is wordy, and could do with removing the "fairly," at least; third sentence should end with a colon before "H-A-P-P-Y"; comma missing after "Wind" at the end of the first paragraph, title should be in italics, too).

Second, I think the editing will clean up some of the issues in the first part of the essay, and likely tighten and strengthen the message (which is an interesting one!), so I'm not going to make further comments on that section. What needs a directional change is the ending, and the end message. Everything you have said leading up to the last paragraph is about PR being your passion and the career path that you wanted to take. So, when you start saying that in the interim you want to get a law degree, it's doesn't connect for me, and it leaves me a bit confused (which you never want in the reader). So, I think you need to more clearly explain why the law degree will help this career path. Is it so you can better counsel clients on what not to say so they don't get sued or something similar? If so, perhaps use an anecdote to explain that. If that's not the reason (which is fine—there are many reasons I could see), then just explain that to us. Either way, it needs some further strengthening because right now it doesn't feel like it makes sense.

I think this has strong potential, so you are in a good place. Now let's clean up the text and clarify the overall message, and I bet you'll start to feel a lot more comfortable with it.

Please let me know if this helps. Thanks!

[laurensmith15]

Hi Dave,

Thank you so much! I can't even explain to you how helpful your comments were. I definitely needed another set of eyes!

I have now made some serious edits and tried to make things a bit more detailed and clear. I'd love to get your feedback on the revised version, if possible!

Thanks again for your help!

Spelling lists. Captivating headlines. Epic Novels. I have always had a fondness for words. As the daughter of a journalist, this was fairly inevitable for me. One of my earliest memories is sitting on the floor of my living room, begging my parents to listen to me spell just one more word: H-A-P-P-Y. That’s how I would feel when I started reading chapter books before everyone else in my kindergarten class. When I got special permission from the librarian to read Margaret Mitchell’s 1,037-page classic, Gone With the Wind, in sixth grade, I was E-C-S-T-A-T-I-C.

Words would continue to bring me joy throughout my primary education and into high school. As I got older, I began to pay more attention to how words were communicated and how this communication affected people. I saw the power words have over thoughts, actions and even futures.

At age 16, when all of my friends spent their summers hanging out by the pool, I applied to and was selected for a high-profile journalism camp in Washington D.C. This experience completely changed my life. The camp hosted dozens of speakers from the media world and we, as budding journalists, were encouraged to ask them anything that we wanted. I spent the week in awe as we rubbed elbows with MSNBC reporters and received VIP tours of The Washington Post headquarters and the Newseum. Wide-eyed with pen in hand, I was exposed to public relations, a word-centric field, for the first time. As a presidential press secretary gave a lecture, I imagined an exciting future career that combined my love of words with the opportunity to control what information was communicated.

Then, another factor proved even more fortuitous. The very week that I was in Washington D.C., Justice Elena Kagan was in the midst of her Senate confirmation hearings. The city was abuzz with speculation, and Justice Kagan’s name was in every headline. With my brand new insight on public relations, I was delighted to read the carefully crafted statements that various politicians were making about her nomination and took note of the way they danced around sensitive topics. A student at heart, I found myself asking why. What was stopping them from saying whatever they wanted? Of course, there were many legal factors at work. I realized that the study of law was an ideal complement to my perfect career.

During my freshman year of college, I was able to secure a coveted public relations internship. This experience shaped my interest in public relations and the law into a passion. The company I worked for was hired to promote upcoming movies to the Dallas market. That particular year, the blockbuster consuming the nation (and our time) was “The Hunger Games.” The stars of the movie were on a well-publicized mall tour and Dallas was one of their stops. Avid reader that I am, I had read each book in the trilogy that the movie was based on and was wild with excitement at the opportunity to meet the actors who would be bringing one of my favorite books to life. Yet, on the day of the event, it wasn’t the actors who held my attention, but rather their publicist. Before each interview, she would brief the actors on what they needed to say and how they needed to behave, in order to cast the movie in the best light. I was completely mesmerized by the way she coached the actors. Every word they said could affect the public and how they viewed the upcoming movie. Their publicist was pulling the strings of the whole operation, just like the press secretary I had seen speak a few years before. I knew there were legal issues at work, too. They were contractually obligated to promote the movie, and clear instructions.

From that point forward, my love of words had been transformed into a crystal clear path that I wanted my life to take, combining public relations with a law degree. I spent the rest of my college career learning as much as I could about public relations, even going so far as to transfer colleges to the University of Texas, a school that is consistently recognized as one of the top PR schools in the country. The closer I came to receiving my degree, my curiosity about the law combined with public relations only grew stronger. I loved my media law class and I couldn’t wait to learn more. I never felt the sense of calm that my classmates felt as their time in college wound down. Rather, I felt a drive to keep going. I didn’t possess all of the knowledge that I wanted, and I couldn’t stop until I had it.

I have come to realize that I want to assist my clients as a public relations practitioner and legal counsel. To me, they are intricately intertwined and together are so much more powerful than separate. I believe that a law degree will not only strengthen my words and my ability to provide assistance. I can’t wait to get S-T-A-R-T-E-D.

[Nikki Siclunov]

Spelling lists. Captivating headlines. Epic Novels. I have always had a fondness for words. As the daughter of a journalist, this was fairly inevitable for me. One of my earliest memories is sitting on the floor of my living room, begging my parents to listen to me spell just one more word: H-A-P-P-Y. That’s how I would feel when I started reading chapter books before everyone else in my kindergarten class. When I got special permission from the librarian to read Margaret Mitchell’s 1,037-page classic, Gone With the Wind, in sixth grade, I was E-C-S-T-A-T-I-C.

Words would continue to bring me joy throughout my primary education and into high school. As I got older, I began to pay more attention to how words were communicated and how this communication affected people. I saw the power words have over thoughts, actions and even futures.

At age 16, when all of my friends spent their summers hanging out by the pool, I applied to and was selected for a high-profile journalism camp in Washington D.C. This experience completely changed my life. The camp hosted dozens of speakers from the media world and we, as budding journalists, were encouraged to ask them anything that we wanted. I spent the week in awe as we rubbed elbows with MSNBC reporters and received VIP tours of The Washington Post headquarters and the Newseum. Wide-eyed with pen in hand, I was exposed to public relations, a word-centric field, for the first time. As a presidential press secretary gave a lecture, I imagined an exciting future career that combined my love of words with the opportunity to control what information was communicated.

Then, another factor proved even more fortuitous. The very week that I was in Washington D.C., Justice Elena Kagan was in the midst of her Senate confirmation hearings. The city was abuzz with speculation, and Justice Kagan’s name was in every headline. With my brand new insight on public relations, I was delighted to read the carefully crafted statements that various politicians were making about her nomination and took note of the way they danced around sensitive topics. A student at heart, I found myself asking why. What was stopping them from saying whatever they wanted? Of course, there were many legal factors at work. I realized that the study of law was an ideal complement to my perfect career.

During my freshman year of college, I was able to secure a coveted public relations internship. This experience shaped my interest in public relations and the law into a passion. The company I worked for was hired to promote upcoming movies to the Dallas market. That particular year, the blockbuster consuming the nation (and our time) was “The Hunger Games.” The stars of the movie were on a well-publicized mall tour and Dallas was one of their stops. Avid reader that I am, I had read each book in the trilogy that the movie was based on and was wild with excitement at the opportunity to meet the actors who would be bringing one of my favorite books to life. Yet, on the day of the event, it wasn’t the actors who held my attention, but rather their publicist. Before each interview, she would brief the actors on what they needed to say and how they needed to behave, in order to cast the movie in the best light. I was completely mesmerized by the way she coached the actors. Every word they said could affect the public and how they viewed the upcoming movie. Their publicist was pulling the strings of the whole operation, just like the press secretary I had seen speak a few years before. I knew there were legal issues at work, too. They were contractually obligated to promote the movie, and clear instructions.

From that point forward, my love of words had been transformed into a crystal clear path that I wanted my life to take, combining public relations with a law degree. I spent the rest of my college career learning as much as I could about public relations, even going so far as to transfer colleges to the University of Texas, a school that is consistently recognized as one of the top PR schools in the country. The closer I came to receiving my degree, my curiosity about the law combined with public relations only grew stronger. I loved my media law class and I couldn’t wait to learn more. I never felt the sense of calm that my classmates felt as their time in college wound down. Rather, I felt a drive to keep going. I didn’t possess all of the knowledge that I wanted, and I couldn’t stop until I had it.

I have come to realize that I want to assist my clients as a public relations practitioner and legal counsel. To me, they are intricately intertwined and together are so much more powerful than separate. I believe that a law degree will not only strengthen my words and my ability to provide assistance. I can’t wait to get S-T-A-R-T-E-D.

Lauren,

Dave is on the road at the moment, so I thought I'd chime in.

Stylistically, you should probably reconsider the capitalized enunciations at the beginning of the first and last paragraphs. I understand the rationale behind your decision, but it is distracting. Obviously, you were no longer spelling your words in sixth grade, so your decision to spell out E-C-S-T-A-T-I-C is misplaced. Likewise, spelling S-T-A-R-T-E-D at the end of your essay can be perceived as a self-referential attempt to strike a humorous note. This is a risky proposition, as not everyone will be amused. Consider revising it.

Gone With the Wind is a title and should be underlined or italicized in accordance with The Chicago Manual of Style. So is The Hunger Games.

Consider revising the following sentences, and avoid the use of cliches if possible:

...my love of words had been transformed into a crystal clear path that I wanted my life to take, combining public relations with a law degree

...my curiosity about the law combined with public relations only grew stronger

A student at heart...

I realized that the study of law was an ideal complement to my perfect career.

Content-wise, I have to agree with Dave - your whole argument that studying law is somehow the logical next step after being involved in PR feels forced. Here's why:

In the third paragraph, you describe how you attended a journalism camp in D.C. at a time when Elena Kagan was having her confirmation hearings. Did you meet with Justice Kagan, or witness the legislative process first-hand? No. You merely read statements that politicians made about her (something you could have done from anywhere). I fail to see how this made you realize "that the study of law was an ideal complement to [your] perfect career." With all due respect, you did not even have a career at 16, let alone a perfect one Given your limited exposure to PR and to the world of law at that time, how can you possibly know what the two would complement each other so well? Please don't take this the wrong way, but the argument rings hollow.

I had a similar reaction to your description of the PR internship you secured during your freshman year.You argue that this "experience shaped [your] interest in PR and the law into a passion," but I failed to see how. You were clearly interested in how the publicist coached the actors, but to argue that this made you interested in "the law" because "there were legal issues at work, too" seems far-fetched. You may have learned that the actors were "contractually obligated to promote the movie," but this is hardly a transformative experience, let alone an epiphanic one.

Yes, admissions officers would love to know why you want to go to law school, but you should only attempt to answer this question if your argument comes across as sincere, unique, and persuasive. I do believe that the experiences you describe are interesting and unique, but they are only tangentially related to the pursuit of a legal career. To claim otherwise risks drawing attention to this fact, which is what I found to be most troubling.

Hope this helps with your next draft! Good luck!

[laurensmith15]

Thank you so much, Nikki! You make some really good points and definitely have given me a lot to think about.

I originally chose this topic because I love PR and I thought I'd come across as passionate while writing about it and also because I thought that it would be a good way to set myself apart from other candidates, but now I'm worried that I'm just making myself seem insincere about wanting to go to law school at all. Definitely not the case.

Do you think this personal statement is still salvageable? Or should I write about something else completely? Maybe, my experience transferring colleges? Or the internship I had in communications the UT law school- I was avoiding that one on the chance that other schools might be put off by it, but it definitely spurred my interest in attending law school.

Feeling a bit lost now...

[Nikki Siclunov]

Hey Lauren,

I do think it's salvageable, but you need to do a better job connecting your interest in PR with your desire to study law. Basically, you need a better spin. As a PR professional, this shouldn't be too hard!

How about this:

If I understand correctly, you also had an internship in communications with the UT law school. That would definitely be a relevant experience to bring up. Keep in mind, however, that law schools will have a copy of your resume, so they can see what internships, jobs, etc. you've held over the years. The goal here is to give these experiences a coherent narrative - a story - that conveys important personal qualities such as maturity, sound judgment, tenacity, focus, etc. You don't need to make them all relevant to pursuing a law degree. Rather, you can argue that the skills you've developed over the years (e.g. reading and writing, communicating complex ideas to diverse audiences, listening, etc.) would be particularly beneficial to a career in law. You can also argue that a PR agent and a lawyer both work as counselors and advisors to clients: one represents the client publicly, the other - legally. A professional capable of establishing a bond of mutual trust and respect with another party could excel at both lines of work, particularly if she is capable of setting aside personal preferences or beliefs for the sake of achieving the best outcome for her client.

Rather than force a relevance between each experience and the study of law, I would make this argument at the very end of your personal statement. It works well as a closing paragraph, provided that the rest of the statement does a good job at conveying your mastery of the skills mentioned above.

Let me know what you think.

Thanks!

[Dave Killoran]

Hey Lauren,

A quick follow-up: I wanted to add that I agree with everything Nikki has said here. The PR/Law angle is actually an interesting one, and one that I don't encounter all the time. That means it can be mined to tell an interesting story. With a unique vehicle for your story, then, what you need to to is humanize that and make the connection about who you are to what you want to do. It would be awesome if there was an anecdote that discussed some PR/legal disaster you had witnessed, but I realize that at his point in your career you likely haven't been involved in anything like that (yet).

Is it salvageable? Yes, definitely. I don't think it was actually that close to disaster to worry about it being salvageable, but keep in mind that at times we give blunt advice because, well, it can only help. If this was terrible, I would have said so out of the gate and told you to go a different direction What was problematic for me was that I saw elements of hope in your first draft but didn't like where the story went. That's fixable!

Thanks!

[laurensmith15]

Hi Dave and Nikki,

Okay! I'm feeling -much- better now. Thank you both so much for the feedback! I'm going to get to work on humanizing this and I'll come back when I've got something new to show you!

I so appreciate how attentive you both have been! When I signed up for the PowerScore course back in August, I had no idea that I'd be getting this much out of it!

[Dave Killoran]

Hi Dave and Nikki,

Okay! I'm feeling -much- better now. Thank you both so much for the feedback! I'm going to get to work on humanizing this and I'll come back when I've got something new to show you!

I so appreciate how attentive you both have been! When I signed up for the PowerScore course back in August, I had no idea that I'd be getting this much out of it!

Hey Lauren, thanks for letting us know this is helping—I'm so pleased you are getting even more out of it than you expected!