Personal Statement

[Flippy]

This is a rough draft of my personal statement. Any critiques, comments, and suggestions will be helpful!
So I chose a topic that is really important to me, I know that some schools are not very LGBTQ friendly and I have no intentions of applying to any of those schools, but is this topic too controversial even if I apply to more LGBTQ friendly schools? Thank you for your time.

Personal Statement
“Adam married Eve, not Steve,” was my father’s response when I asked him why he had a bright yellow sticker, front and center of his dirty, pale lunch bag that read “Yes on 8,” with a stick-figure picture portraying a “traditional” family of a mom, a dad, and two kids in the background. Not truly understanding the magnitude of this sticker, I simply brushed his comments aside and continued on with my life. Fathers sometimes disapprove of their son dating boys, and I soon learned, mine, was no exception.

This was truly the first time I was confronted with the conflict between my sexual and racial identity. Growing up in the traditional, religious Vietnamese community of Garden Grove, California, otherwise known as “Little Saigon” (the largest enclave of Vietnamese people outside of Vietnam), a male’s success is measured by how well he could take care of his family, which included his wife and kids. These were and still are the standards by which many parents, including my father, hold their children to. Simply put, “LGBTQ was not a part of the Vietnamese culture.” Knowing this fact, I began to resent myself over things out of my control, my sexuality. I suppressed my true feelings and disguised myself as the traditional Vietnamese boy that I truly was not. As soon as I went to college, left my traditional Vietnamese bubble, and started to look at the world with a more critical eye, I realized that people were unaccepting of the LGBTQ community not out of hate, but out of fear of change of long standing traditions and ignorance. Armored with this new perspective, I was determined to start this change of acceptance within my own family, especially with my father.

On a weekend that I was back home from college, I decided to finally tell my parents. After hours of anxiety and fear, I sat them down in my room and said, “Mom, Dad, I’m Gay.” A sheer look of horror came over my father’s face and my mother started to cry. My father said to me in a very cold tone, “ How can you do this to us.” I started to sob uncontrollably, and my mother comforted me. The next thing he said was, “ We can fix this.” That was the last form of communication we had for the next six months. I refused to let someone stay in my life if they thought there was something wrong with me that could be fixed. It was truly the toughest six months of my life; it felt like I had lost a parent. My father tried to communicate with me about surface level topics, and still tried to ignore the huge elephant in the room. That single statement truly ignited a passion I did not know existed; a passion for equality.

During the six months where my father and I did not communicate, I joined an organization named Vietnamese Rainbow of Orange County (VROC). This organization is dedicated to bringing LGBTQ awareness and education to the Vietnamese community of Little Saigon. In January 2013, we submitted an application to be included in the traditional Vietnamese New Year parade, but were denied. We were told that LGBTQ is not a part of the Vietnamese culture. During the next month, we worked tirelessly as a team to negotiate an acceptable compromise, but the community’s compromise was clear discrimination, which we would not accept. We took our campaign to Vietnamese media outlets to create awareness and gain publicity. Although we had a tremendous amount of support from the community and politicians, it just was not enough. We were not equals in the eye of our community.

On the day of the parade, VROC proudly and unapologetically were present with over 100 members and supporters from the community. We wanted to show that although the board denied our official presence in the parade, we are still a part of and will fully support the Vietnamese community. Amidst the madness of this parade I spotted my entire family, including my dad. He came over to me and gave me a big bear hug and told me that he loves me no matter what, and that he was truly proud of me for fighting for something I believed in. This was the first time in 6 months that he had spoken to me with some sort of substance. Although VROC did not win the battle this time, I still won because my father came to accept who I am; this change, although small, gives me hope that our community will soon realize that we are all equal.

My experiences fighting for the LGBTQ community taught me that I need to persevere in times of difficulty to reach success. I need to be my unapologetic self. My experiences with my once unaccepting father have taught me that I need to be proud of myself and take a stand for equality. I am confident that law school will give me the tools to continue my passion of equality for the LGBTQ community but furthermore, to unite and educate all communities.

[Nikki Siclunov]

Personal Statement
“Adam married Eve, not Steve,” was my father’s response when I asked him why he had a bright yellow sticker, front and center of his dirty, pale lunch bag that read “Yes on 8,” with a stick-figure picture portraying a “traditional” family of a mom, a dad, and two kids in the background. Not truly understanding the magnitude of this sticker, I simply brushed his comments aside and continued on with my life. Fathers sometimes disapprove of their son dating boys, and I soon learned, mine, was no exception.

This was truly the first time I was confronted with the conflict between my sexual and racial identity. Growing up in the traditional, religious Vietnamese community of Garden Grove, California, otherwise known as “Little Saigon” (the largest enclave of Vietnamese people outside of Vietnam), a male’s success is measured by how well he could take care of his family, which included his wife and kids. These were and still are the standards by which many parents, including my father, hold their children to. Simply put, “LGBTQ was not a part of the Vietnamese culture.” Knowing this fact, I began to resent myself over things out of my control, my sexuality. I suppressed my true feelings and disguised myself as the traditional Vietnamese boy that I truly was not. As soon as I went to college, left my traditional Vietnamese bubble, and started to look at the world with a more critical eye, I realized that people were unaccepting of the LGBTQ community not out of hate, but out of fear of change of long standing traditions and ignorance. Armored with this new perspective, I was determined to start this change of acceptance within my own family, especially with my father.

On a weekend that I was back home from college, I decided to finally tell my parents. After hours of anxiety and fear, I sat them down in my room and said, “Mom, Dad, I’m Gay.” A sheer look of horror came over my father’s face and my mother started to cry. My father said to me in a very cold tone, “ How can you do this to us.” I started to sob uncontrollably, and my mother comforted me. The next thing he said was, “ We can fix this.” That was the last form of communication we had for the next six months. I refused to let someone stay in my life if they thought there was something wrong with me that could be fixed. It was truly the toughest six months of my life; it felt like I had lost a parent. My father tried to communicate with me about surface level topics, and still tried to ignore the huge elephant in the room. That single statement truly ignited a passion I did not know existed; a passion for equality.

During the six months where my father and I did not communicate, I joined an organization named Vietnamese Rainbow of Orange County (VROC). This organization is dedicated to bringing LGBTQ awareness and education to the Vietnamese community of Little Saigon. In January 2013, we submitted an application to be included in the traditional Vietnamese New Year parade, but were denied. We were told that LGBTQ is not a part of the Vietnamese culture. During the next month, we worked tirelessly as a team to negotiate an acceptable compromise, but the community’s compromise was clear discrimination, which we would not accept. We took our campaign to Vietnamese media outlets to create awareness and gain publicity. Although we had a tremendous amount of support from the community and politicians, it just was not enough. We were not equals in the eye of our community.

On the day of the parade, VROC proudly and unapologetically were present with over 100 members and supporters from the community. We wanted to show that although the board denied our official presence in the parade, we are still a part of and will fully support the Vietnamese community. Amidst the madness of this parade I spotted my entire family, including my dad. He came over to me and gave me a big bear hug and told me that he loves me no matter what, and that he was truly proud of me for fighting for something I believed in. This was the first time in 6 months that he had spoken to me with some sort of substance. Although VROC did not win the battle this time, I still won because my father came to accept who I am; this change, although small, gives me hope that our community will soon realize that we are all equal.

My experiences fighting for the LGBTQ community taught me that I need to persevere in times of difficulty to reach success. I need to be my unapologetic self. My experiences with my once unaccepting father have taught me that I need to be proud of myself and take a stand for equality. I am confident that law school will give me the tools to continue my passion of equality for the LGBTQ community but furthermore, to unite and educate all communities.

Hey Flippy,

Thanks for posting your statement for review! Ready for some tough love? Here it comes.

Essentially, what you have is a coming-out story. This could be the basis for a powerful personal statement, as long as you use it in one (or more) of the following ways: (1) to illustrate important personal qualities, such as perseverance in the face of adversity, etc.; (2) as a coming-of-age story, through which you show maturity and personal growth; or (3) as a preamble to a future in which you see yourself as an activist, committed to the cause of equal rights.

You touch upon each of these narrative themes, but fail to develop any of them in a convincing way.

You did a fine job describing a generally hostile community, where your racial and sexual identities were seemingly in conflict. Your family circumstances, however, need a bit more work. In the first paragraph, your father "comes out" as homophobic. How old were you when you saw his bright yellow sticker defending Prop 8? How did that change your perception of him as a father? Did you make a mental note never to tell him you were gay, or did you have the opposite reaction and start preparing to confront him one day? The last sentence of that paragraph needs work too ("son" should be plural, the punctuation needs fixing).

If you want to tell a story of perseverance in the face of adversity, your coming out story and the immediate fallout need a lot of work. Your family was devastated and wanted to "fix" you. So, I expected to read about months of therapy that goes nowhere, parents trying to set you up with girls, maybe they stopped paying for college, or, worse, sent you off to Liberty University to teach you all about Jesus. None of this happened to you, thankfully, but here's the problem: without a clearly traumatic fallout, your coming-out story is not terribly compelling. I'm not saying you should make stuff up. But you need to delve deeper into the difficulties you faced in the immediate aftermath.

Your coming out story should also be a sign of maturity: after all, by being true to yourself, you risked losing those who were closest to you. This shows incredible bravery and maturity, but you need to do a better job telling us that. You said that it felt like losing a parent, and that it was the toughest period in your life. Why? Judging from what you said earlier, you should have been prepared for a fairly hostile reception. Was it worse than expected? You weren't on speaking terms with your dad, but surely there was more to it than that. What about your mother? (All we know is that she cried a lot.) Do you have any siblings? Did you try to reach out to your family and faced resistance, or was the detente mutual? Did you suffer academically during your freshman year as a result of all this?

After you came out, you became involved with VROC. Did your family know about it, and did they try to stop you? Did you enjoy working as an activist, and do you see yourself doing this after law school - maybe you plan on joining Lambda? You can also talk about how you discovered a new community, and how that changed your own perception of Little Saigon - apparently, there is more to it than meets the eye. Coming out afforded you the privilege of seeing and understanding your community differently: instead of a racially homogenous, heteronormative institution, Little Saigon suddenly became a lot more colorful. Perhaps "coming out" is not just about you telling the world you are gay; it also about seeing the world differently, in all of its complexity and nuance. Elaborate on that.

Perhaps the weakest portion of your statement has to do with how your family turned around and supported you. Initially, you paint a pretty bleak picture, and all of a sudden we see you dancing at a parade and your father giving you a big bear hug. That's awesome, by the way, but it just doesn't make any sense. Whatever happened to the Prop-8 supporter who wanted to fix you? He's a new man, thanks perhaps in no small part to you. You take no credit for it, telling us that you didn't speak to him for six months. Surely, you must have been stunned that he was there supporting you, instead of angrily judging you from the sidelines. Tell us more about that - did you ask him what made him change his mind? Was he impressed by your bravery, maturity, activism? How did he even know you were in VROC? You need more content to make this story "click."

The last paragraph also needs work. "Uniting and educating all communities" is a very ambitious goal - perhaps unrealistically so. Personally, I would customize this paragraph to each law school you're applying to. Are you drawn to ABC Law School's diversity, Lambda outreach programs, legal clinics working with homeless gay youth, etc.? Are you looking forward to taking courses with certain professors and learning more about sexual orientation and the law, the constitutional protections of marriage equality, sexuality and employment discrimination, legal issues involving transgender individuals, etc.? If you want to sell yourself as a future activist, you need to do your homework here.

Overall, this draft is a good start. You have the potential to write an incredibly compelling story, but you need to put more work into it.

Good luck!