Personal Statement/Diversity Statement/Addenda, HELP

[frankwojtasiak]

So, here goes... I am writing my PS and my DS and wanted a little feedback. A little background; I am currently a 27 white active duty (soon to be active-reserve in July) Marine who has worked an additional job on base when not on duty for the entire time I have been serving. In undergrad I played D1 FCS college football for 2.5yrs and maintained a 3.4 cumulative GPA until I had to quit to take on more hours and aid my family after my mothers hidden gambling addiction came to fruition. This increase in hours caused a sharp drop in my GPA which culminated in my final semester of 3 classes (W,F,C for grades) resulting in a 3.09 cumulative GPA and graduating a semester late (fall 2010 as opposed to spring2010). All the while this also drained my fiscal ability to attend law school. I have since enlisted (and had a successful (2013 Marine Forces Pacific Marine of the Year)) in the Marine Corps and began graduate school at the University of Oklahoma and have an expected graduation date of May 2016 with a Masters of Human Relations and a current GPA of 3.7ish. I now have the means to attend law school (GI bill) and am looking forward to starting next fall. I did terrible on the Dec LSAT (143) and need my application package to be as good as possible. I am scheduled for the February 6th LSAT and do not feel that I would do worse at all, I know I had a terrible day in December and was previously practice testing in the 150 range. Some of my 'safe' schools 25th percentile scores are around 147-150 and I think that I will be okay there. My real concern is being able to separate my PS and DS ideas without too much overlap all the while neglecting avoidance of my true diversities. So, I was trying to focus my PS on work ethic and persistence resulting in success regardless of scores and grades by using examples from college football and the relation to my desire to practice law. I want to do this while I want my DS to focus on successes with adversity by things like college football, putting myself through undegrad financially, grad school, military service, and working two jobs.

Attached is the draft of my PS.

As I awoke from the surgery groggy and sore, the surgeon hovered above me prepared to deliver the news. Weeks before, following a failed physical examination I had framed and compiled the decision to have a necessary procedure to surgically repair my right ankle. This was required in order to pursue my passion and desire of playing Division 1(AA) college football. Only months earlier I was a (more) naïve seventeen-year-old who had moved to a new city away from home to pursue his dreams. Now, here I was an (still naïve) eighteen-year-old college student, lying in this ice cold hospital bed dreading to hear what I could only assume would be negative news from the surgeon wearing the telling look on his face. I collected and mustered all of my physical and emotional energy to persist through the morphine and anesthesia and process the inevitable truth. “An unknown cartilage lesion was discovered during the procedure, it was removed but there is something that I need to tell you. The chance of playing football this year is not likely, moreover is the chance of you ever playing football again”. I was decimated.
This experience was the beginning of finding out who I was and what I was able to accomplish as my own man. I worked tirelessly and creatively (by studying and watching film) to return to form physical and grow mentally in order to make the team the following fall and earn an academic scholarship in the process. Being too strong, too fast, too smart, or most definitely too cool has ever been (nor do I ever foreshadow it to be) an issue for me. An overabundance of privilege or natural ability has never been an issue either. However, the lack thereof has given me a peerless and tenacious work ethic. As a result, there have been very few things able to distract me from my ambitions or impede me from the pursuit of my goals. As have there been very few things have led me to question my own abilities or reconsider my ability to succeed. I remember all of them and I refuse to allow them to detract from my success and limit the contributions I can make to the legal world.
Early on in my undergraduate degree program I sat in on an Arizona Justice Project lecture hosted by Ray Krone about his wrongful conviction that lit a fire under me to attend law school. Listening to the injustices that Mr. Krone received during each of his appeals was appalling, I almost felt compelled to serve the state legal community. As the curriculum went on I became increasingly interested in law school and the desire to become an effective criminal attorney. Although I have wanted to attend law school for years, I was ill equipped with the financial means to seriously do so after dealing with some family financial problems. Now, after recalibrating my plans and applying years of hard work and persistence to obtain the necessary fiscal means in conjunction with the mental efforts to pursue law school, I look forward to being accepted for the winter 2016 semester. I am now finally prepared and able to apply the same tenacious efforts to the pursuit of my Juris Doctorate.

[Dave Killoran]

So, here goes... I am writing my PS and my DS and wanted a little feedback. A little background; I am currently a 27 white active duty (soon to be active-reserve in July) Marine who has worked an additional job on base when not on duty for the entire time I have been serving. In undergrad I played D1 FCS college football for 2.5yrs and maintained a 3.4 cumulative GPA until I had to quit to take on more hours and aid my family after my mothers hidden gambling addiction came to fruition. This increase in hours caused a sharp drop in my GPA which culminated in my final semester of 3 classes (W,F,C for grades) resulting in a 3.09 cumulative GPA and graduating a semester late (fall 2010 as opposed to spring2010). All the while this also drained my fiscal ability to attend law school. I have since enlisted (and had a successful (2013 Marine Forces Pacific Marine of the Year)) in the Marine Corps and began graduate school at the University of Oklahoma and have an expected graduation date of May 2016 with a Masters of Human Relations and a current GPA of 3.7ish. I now have the means to attend law school (GI bill) and am looking forward to starting next fall. I did terrible on the Dec LSAT (143) and need my application package to be as good as possible. I am scheduled for the February 6th LSAT and do not feel that I would do worse at all, I know I had a terrible day in December and was previously practice testing in the 150 range. Some of my 'safe' schools 25th percentile scores are around 147-150 and I think that I will be okay there. My real concern is being able to separate my PS and DS ideas without too much overlap all the while neglecting avoidance of my true diversities. So, I was trying to focus my PS on work ethic and persistence resulting in success regardless of scores and grades by using examples from college football and the relation to my desire to practice law. I want to do this while I want my DS to focus on successes with adversity by things like college football, putting myself through undegrad financially, grad school, military service, and working two jobs.

Attached is the draft of my PS.

As I awoke from the surgery groggy and sore, the surgeon hovered above me prepared to deliver the news. Weeks before, following a failed physical examination I had framed and compiled the decision to have a necessary procedure to surgically repair my right ankle. This was required in order to pursue my passion and desire of playing Division 1(AA) college football. Only months earlier I was a (more) naïve seventeen-year-old who had moved to a new city away from home to pursue his dreams. Now, here I was an (still naïve) eighteen-year-old college student, lying in this ice cold hospital bed dreading to hear what I could only assume would be negative news from the surgeon wearing the telling look on his face. I collected and mustered all of my physical and emotional energy to persist through the morphine and anesthesia and process the inevitable truth. “An unknown cartilage lesion was discovered during the procedure, it was removed but there is something that I need to tell you. The chance of playing football this year is not likely, moreover is the chance of you ever playing football again”. I was decimated.
This experience was the beginning of finding out who I was and what I was able to accomplish as my own man. I worked tirelessly and creatively (by studying and watching film) to return to form physical and grow mentally in order to make the team the following fall and earn an academic scholarship in the process. Being too strong, too fast, too smart, or most definitely too cool has ever been (nor do I ever foreshadow it to be) an issue for me. An overabundance of privilege or natural ability has never been an issue either. However, the lack thereof has given me a peerless and tenacious work ethic. As a result, there have been very few things able to distract me from my ambitions or impede me from the pursuit of my goals. As have there been very few things have led me to question my own abilities or reconsider my ability to succeed. I remember all of them and I refuse to allow them to detract from my success and limit the contributions I can make to the legal world.
Early on in my undergraduate degree program I sat in on an Arizona Justice Project lecture hosted by Ray Krone about his wrongful conviction that lit a fire under me to attend law school. Listening to the injustices that Mr. Krone received during each of his appeals was appalling, I almost felt compelled to serve the state legal community. As the curriculum went on I became increasingly interested in law school and the desire to become an effective criminal attorney. Although I have wanted to attend law school for years, I was ill equipped with the financial means to seriously do so after dealing with some family financial problems. Now, after recalibrating my plans and applying years of hard work and persistence to obtain the necessary fiscal means in conjunction with the mental efforts to pursue law school, I look forward to being accepted for the winter 2016 semester. I am now finally prepared and able to apply the same tenacious efforts to the pursuit of my Juris Doctorate.

Hey Frank,

Thanks for posting your essay! I can tell this is still a work in progress, and so I'll make some general directional comments to keep you going in the right direction.

First, I think running it through editing several more times will help. What's missing right now is smoothness—this is choppy at times and I'd also make some different word choices as well (examples: "framed and compiled" stopped me for a moment; "devastated" instead of "decimated" would be as slightly more standard use, I think; "foreshadow" should be "foresee"). In that same vein, examine each statement you make for consistency, clarity, and believability. For example, in the following sentence you say you remember everything, and it's tough at first to figure out what you are referring to, and then afterwards it raises the question of whether anyone could remember everything that made you question yourself: "I remember all of them and I refuse to allow them to detract from my success and limit the contributions I can make to the legal world." So, I see that as a sentence that while I understand what you are attempting to say, the way it is actually said isn't easy to buy into. As you go through this again, examine every single word you use, and make sure it's saying exactly what you want it to say.

Second, I think you need to flesh out your story a bit more, and to construct it in a more balanced way. For example, the first paragraph is stylistically somewhat different than the remainder of the essay. You go a bit more slowly in the first paragraph, and the details and descriptions you use are more numerous and expansive. I'd like to see you use that same approach to the remainder of what you've written. I think it wold really improve the pacing of the whole essay, as well as the impact of your story. And, related to that, anything you can add in that second half that connects you to what you are saying will help. Finally, remember to show, not tell. Case in point: Don't just tell me that you worked tirelessly; instead show me that you did so by relating the months of rehab you went through, and referencing the repeated 8 hour film study sessions that left you as the only person in the building, endlessly watching film even after all the coaches had given it up for the night.

One thing I'd make sure to keep is the sense of humor that comes through occasionally (and if you can expand that, it would be great). For example, the following two sentence made me laugh: "Being too strong, too fast, too smart, or most definitely too cool has ever been (nor do I ever foreshadow it to be) an issue for me. An overabundance of privilege or natural ability has never been an issue either." Any time you can get the reader to laugh with you it's a good thing.

Last, take some time to explain the impact that Ray Krone had on you, and if you have any deeper connection there, make sure to mention it (for example, did you ever email him afterward, or talk to him in more depth about his story?). I feel like in its current form, that story isn't best explaining why you want to go to law school. It feel a little but superficial, and so I want you to see if you can bring more out about why this affected you, and what steps you took thereafter to act on that inspiration.

So, I see elements here that can be used to good effect; it just needs to be polished and restructured a bit. Keep working on this and edit it repeatedly, and force every one of your friends and family to read each successive draft. It will help make this as good as possible.

Please let me know if this helped. Thanks!

[frankwojtasiak]

Thank you so much!
I have been editing like a crazy person the last few days (a bunch of which with a handful of the legal officers on base) and I am pleased to say that it's looking pretty solid. Also, finishing this up has added a good Segway to my diversity statement. I want my DS to focus in relatively short descriptions on what actually makes my application different. What I was thinking is to chronologically bring up my diversities, sort of in the order of college football, economic hardship (mothers gambling addiction that caused me stop playing and work more), joining the Marine Corps as a way to serve and fund law school after serving, working two jobs while active duty to pay for life during law school, and getting my masters to show that I can excel at post-secondary education as well. Does this sound like too much/too little for a DS? Also, I was wondering that sounds like it would be a decent way to deliver those facts?
Thanks again,
Frank

[frankwojtasiak]

So after receiving some feedback, I have attached what I think are a more complete PS and DS that is still being edited but nearly complete (minus grammar editing etc.)

PS

As I awoke from the surgery groggy and sore, the surgeon hovered above me prepared to deliver the news. Following a failed physical examination the week before, I elected to have surgery on my right ankle. This was required in order to pursue my desire to play Division 1(AA) college football. Only months earlier I was a (more) naïve seventeen-year-old who had moved to away from home to pursue his dream. Now, here I was a naïve eighteen-year-old student, lying in a cold hospital bed dreading to hear what I could only assume would be negative news from the surgeon wearing the telling look upon his face. I gathered all of my physical and emotional energy to fight through the anesthesia and process the inevitable truth. The Doctor said, “An unknown cartilage lesion was discovered during the procedure and it was removed. However, there is something that I need to tell you. Not only is playing football this year unlikely, the chance of you ever playing football again is as well”. I was devastated.
Being too strong, too fast, too smart, or most definitely too cool has never been (nor do I ever foresee that it will be) an issue for me. As has an overabundance of privilege or natural ability been an issue either. However, that lack thereof has given me a peerless and tenacious work ethic that has been the root of my achievements. At ten years old my father told me that regardless of natural gifts, I could and would be successful if I owned the things that I could control such as my work ethic and perseverance. Implementing this mentality I have had very few obstacles powerful enough to distract me from the pursuit of my ambitions and goals. As a result, I have refused to allow anything under my own control become a reason to limit my ability to succeed or to hinder the contributions I can make to the world.
College football was only the beginning of discovering what I am able to accomplish in the face of extreme adversity. I refused to accept the fact that I would never play football again because it was my passion and I couldn’t fail. I worked tirelessly over four months of intense physical rehabilitation for over three hours a day to return to form physically. I also worked creatively to grow mentally by repeated two to three hour film study sessions, which often left me as the last person in the building, even after coaches had left for the evening. My efforts were validated and rewarded the moment that I stepped onto the field to play against the University of Arizona that following fall (even if it was at the hands of a 45-24 throttling). I had shown myself that regardless of naysayers I could accomplish anything that I set my mind to and even earned an academic scholarship in the process.
As a freshman I enrolled into a criminology course that changed my life. I sat in on a lecture by Mr. Ray Krone and from that moment on I knew I wanted to study the law. Mr. Krone was (under) represented and wrongfully convicted of murder where he served ten years before his exoneration. Mr. Krone told details of his story in depth as I listened intently to the facts. I could not get past thinking how the state had failed him in appointing his representation. I was fortunate enough to speak with Mr. Krone extensively following the lecture and it lit a fire in me to attend law school. Already as a freshman I knew that I wanted to apply the same commitment that led me to success as a collegiate athlete to broaden my scope of the justice system and study the law. However, financial obstacles in my family led me to instead join the Marines after graduation. As a result, I now have the education benefits necessary for law school and cannot wait to further my knowledge of the legal system and apply my never quit attitude to law school.

DS
Growing up very Catholic I learned at a young age what ‘humble pie’ was and have since been reminded (sometimes a little more frequently than I would prefer) what being humble is. As a result I have never been egotistical, which has led to me facing problems analytically rather than emotionally. Regardless of the obstacles I face (and there are many), once I decide to set my mind to something I accomplish it. I followed my dream of playing college football when I chose which school to attend for undergraduate education and faced instant adversity. College football was a risk that had no initial scholarship opportunities and left me at a crossroads after a failed physical. when I required a surgery I almost had my college football career ended before it had even began. However, after a successful rehabilitation from the surgery I made the team and had a successful college football career. Also at the end of my freshman year I realized I wanted to be an attorney. Knowing it would not be easy to do so, I worked very hard and my rising grades and scholarships paralleled that hard work. This was all until my mother started secretly gambling. What surgery was for football is what my mothers’ gambling addiction was for law school. I was absolutely devastated and needed to regroup, again.
My mothers’ secret gambling habits required me to stop playing football to take on additional hours as a pizza delivery driver and assist my family. When my mother declared that foreclosure of my parents’ home was imminent, my grades dropped dramatically because they needed me home every weekend. As a result of the extra work, I was however able to help save my parents home and finish school with a GPA over 3.0. However, after assisting my family I was left without the financial means to attend law school after graduation. Therefore I needed alternative means to attend school, so I recalibrated my plans and joined the Marine Corps to serve my country and obtain the education benefits necessary to so. During my time in the Marine Corps I was fortunate enough to serve overseas for four years with a number of foreign nations. As a result, I have learned how important cultural understanding. I have also had the privilege to serve proudly alongside other great Marines, which has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Joining the Marines is easily one of the best decisions I have made to grow as a person.
While active duty, I have held a second job the entire time where I have worked over twenty-five hours a week to save for school. I have worked as a food service employee and a cashier respectively and although it has not been the most glorified work it has kept me humble. Both jobs have also been subtle reminders of my long-term goals of being an attorney. Mostly, working a second job has given me a unique perspective of life outside of the military while still being in the military. It has also allowed me to work around many local nationals that I would not have otherwise had. In conjunction with the financial efforts I have grown mentally as well.
In 2015 I started at the University of Oklahoma in pursuit of my Masters in Human Relations where I will graduate in May 2016 and currently own a cumulative 3.67GPA. My experience at Oklahoma has been great and the knowledge I have gained is invaluable. I am ecstatic to be a potential law student this fall and to apply the information I have learned from a variety life changing experiences to my true passion of broadening my understanding of the law. The diversity I have experienced over the last five years has not only allowed me to grow so much mentally but mature. I am now ready to begin the next chapter of my life and apply the same tenacious efforts that have brought me success in the past to the pursuit of my Juris Doctorate.

[Dave Killoran]

Thank you so much!
I have been editing like a crazy person the last few days (a bunch of which with a handful of the legal officers on base) and I am pleased to say that it's looking pretty solid. Also, finishing this up has added a good Segway to my diversity statement. I want my DS to focus in relatively short descriptions on what actually makes my application different. What I was thinking is to chronologically bring up my diversities, sort of in the order of college football, economic hardship (mothers gambling addiction that caused me stop playing and work more), joining the Marine Corps as a way to serve and fund law school after serving, working two jobs while active duty to pay for life during law school, and getting my masters to show that I can excel at post-secondary education as well. Does this sound like too much/too little for a DS? Also, I was wondering that sounds like it would be a decent way to deliver those facts?
Thanks again,
Frank

Hi Frank,

Yes, that could be a decent way to deliver those facts, but I always say it's less about the topic or layout, and far more about the execution. You can have the best topic in the world and a perfect layout, but if it lacks feeling or personality, it will fail. Alternatively, if the story is told well, you can take a mundane topic and turn it into a great essay. Execution is the key.

I see very compelling elements in your background (for example, your mother's gambling addiction is an extremely personal and compelling vehicle for allowing people to see who you really are and how you handle adversity).

I see you've posted a new draft, so what I'm going to do is fly that into this thread, mainly so we can see how it has developed in light of what we have above.

Thanks!

[Dave Killoran]

So after receiving some feedback, I have attached what I think are a more complete PS and DS that is still being edited but nearly complete (minus grammar editing etc.)

Hi Frank,

Since your last draft is still in the editing process, we're going to wait until that's completed before posting any comments. We usually can only review a single draft on the Forum, and sometimes two, so since this is your second one, we want to make sure we look at the one you think is the best If you want a full critique (which would go well beyond what we are posting here, which is just a brief set of general comments), then I'd suggest one of our Admissions consulting Programs. Those are far more comprehensive than what we can do here, and depending on the program, they work with you until your essay is complete.

Thanks!

[frankwojtasiak]

*UPDATE*
So here goes, I turned over my PS/DS to a friend to edit for punctuation but these are the final statements that I am going to turn in. Please give me some feedback about what you think of these painting a good picture about who I am. Thanks so much for the help! Also, I retook the LSAT last Saturday and feel much better about this one, so hopefully I am in the right window score-wise to help my cause.

PS
I awoke groggy from the surgery and noticed the surgeon hovering above me about to deliver the news. After a failed a physical examination the week before, I elected to have surgery on my ankle. Without it, I would be unable to play Division 1(AA) college football and pursue my dream. Just months earlier I was a (more) naïve seventeen-year-old who had moved to away from home to pursue his dream. Now, here I was, a naïve eighteen-year-old lying in a cold hospital bed, waiting for what I could assume to be negative news from the surgeon wearing the predictable look. I mustered all of my energy to reawaken after the anesthesia and comprehend what would be the inevitable truth. The Doctor said, “An unknown cartilage lesion was discovered and removed during the procedure. However, there is something that I need to tell you. Not only is playing football this year unlikely, the chance of you ever playing football again is as well”. I was devastated.
In addition to an overabundance of privilege or natural ability, I would gamble to say that being too strong/fast, too smart, or most definitely too cool has ever been (nor do I ever foresee it to be) an issue for me. However, that lack thereof has given me a peerless work ethic and tenacious persistence key to the root of my achievements. At ten years old my father told me that regardless of my natural gifts (or lack there of), I could and would be successful as long as I owned the things that I could control, such as work ethic and perseverance. I applied this concept almost immediately and have since experienced few obstacles able to distract me from the pursuit of my goals. As a result, I refuse to allow anything that I control become a reason to limit my success or hinder my ambition.
College football was only the beginning of discovering what I had the ability to accomplish in the face of extreme adversity. I refused to accept the fact that I would never play football again because it was my passion and I could not fail. I worked tirelessly through six months of intense rehabilitation lasting over four hours a day to return to form physically. More so, I worked mentally through repeated three-hour film study sessions, which often left me as the last person in the building, even after coaches had left for the evening. My efforts were validated and rewarded the moment that I stepped onto the field to play against the University of Arizona that following fall (even if it was at the hands of a 45-24 throttling). I had shown myself that regardless of naysayers I could accomplish anything that I set my mind to.
That same year, I enrolled into a criminology course that changed my life. I sat in on a lecture by Mr. Ray Krone and afterwards I knew I wanted to study the law. Mr. Krone was (under) represented and wrongfully convicted of murder where he served ten years before his exoneration. When Mr. Krone told the details of his story, I listened intently to the facts and all I could think was how the state had failed him in appointing his representation. Afterwards, I was fortunate enough to speak with Mr. Krone extensively about the details of his case and it lit a fire in me to attend law school. I wanted to work as an attorney for the state to protect defendants from the same injustice.
However, financial obstacles stemming from my mothers’ gambling addiction led me to postpone law school to instead enlist into the Marine Corps following graduation. Like football, law school is my passion and I refuse to fail for a lack of effort or inability. I may not be the typical “fresh out of undergraduate” law student but I do offer a diverse background and a work ethic second to no one. Although, this does not guarantee my success, my perseverance to play college football serves as a testament and example of a parallel desire to study the law.

DS
Growing up in the Catholic Church I learned early on about the importance of being humble and have been reminded (sometimes more often than I desire) to stay humble. I followed my dream of playing college football as an undergraduate student and almost immediately had that dream derailed. I was left at a crossroads when an injury that required surgery nearly ended my college football career before it had even began. When I was told that I would never play football again, I worked tirelessly to make a successful recovery that culminated by making the team the following season. That same year, as a freshman year I also realized my other dream to practice law. I knew it would not be easy to do so and worked very hard to raise my grades and earn scholarships that exemplified that hard work. Everything was going to plan until my mother started secretly gambling. What my injury had been to football is what my mothers’ gambling addiction was to law school. I was absolutely devastated, again.
After the declaration that foreclosure of my parents’ home was imminent without my assistance, I had to give up my dream of playing football to work additional hours as a pizza delivery driver as well as empty my savings for law school. I had already been paying my way through school alone and was broke at that point. In addition, the constant three hundred fifty-mile trip to/from home caused my grades to drop dramatically. I worked through it however and finished school with a GPA over 3.0. As result of assisting my family I was left without the financial means to attend law school after graduation. My mothers’ gambling problem is easily the most difficult issue that I have ever had to deal with.
With that in mind, I recalibrated my plans and joined the Marine Corps to not only serve my country but also obtain the education benefits necessary for law school. In the Marine Corps I have been fortunate enough to serve overseas for four years in a host of foreign nations. I have also had the privilege to serve proudly alongside not only Marines but also all joint forces, which have been some of the most rewarding experiences of my life. As a result, I have learned how important cultural understanding and diversity are. The decision to join the Marine Corps is easily the best decision I have made to mature mentally and grow as a person.
While on active duty, I have held a second job, often working over twenty-five hours a week to create a savings necessary to start school. As a food service employee and a cashier respectively it has not been the most glorified work but it has kept me humble. Both jobs have also been subtle reminders of the importance of my long-term goals to practice law. Mostly, working a second job has given me a unique perspective of life outside of the military while still being in the military. It has also afforded me the opportunity to work around with many foreign nationals I would not have otherwise had. In conjunction with the financial efforts made I have made many efforts to grow mentally as well.
I started the University of Oklahoma Masters of Human Relations program in 2015 and will graduate in May 2016 with a cumulative GPA of 3.67. My experience at Oklahoma has been great and the knowledge I have gained is invaluable. I am ecstatic to be a potential law student this fall and apply the information I have learned from this program as well as the multitude of other life changing experiences to the passion I have to broaden my scope of the law. I am so grateful that my experiences over the last five years have allowed me to mature so much. I never gave up on my dream to attend law school and approach the pursuit of my Juris Doctorate with the same tenacity.

[Dave Killoran]

*UPDATE*
So here goes, I turned over my PS/DS to a friend to edit for punctuation but these are the final statements that I am going to turn in. Please give me some feedback about what you think of these painting a good picture about who I am. Thanks so much for the help! Also, I retook the LSAT last Saturday and feel much better about this one, so hopefully I am in the right window score-wise to help my cause.

PS
I awoke groggy from the surgery and noticed the surgeon hovering above me about to deliver the news. After a failed a physical examination the week before, I elected to have surgery on my ankle. Without it, I would be unable to play Division 1(AA) college football and pursue my dream. Just months earlier I was a (more) naïve seventeen-year-old who had moved to away from home to pursue his dream. Now, here I was, a naïve eighteen-year-old lying in a cold hospital bed, waiting for what I could assume to be negative news from the surgeon wearing the predictable look. I mustered all of my energy to reawaken after the anesthesia and comprehend what would be the inevitable truth. The Doctor said, “An unknown cartilage lesion was discovered and removed during the procedure. However, there is something that I need to tell you. Not only is playing football this year unlikely, the chance of you ever playing football again is as well”. I was devastated.
In addition to an overabundance of privilege or natural ability, I would gamble to say that being too strong/fast, too smart, or most definitely too cool has ever been (nor do I ever foresee it to be) an issue for me. However, that lack thereof has given me a peerless work ethic and tenacious persistence key to the root of my achievements. At ten years old my father told me that regardless of my natural gifts (or lack there of), I could and would be successful as long as I owned the things that I could control, such as work ethic and perseverance. I applied this concept almost immediately and have since experienced few obstacles able to distract me from the pursuit of my goals. As a result, I refuse to allow anything that I control become a reason to limit my success or hinder my ambition.
College football was only the beginning of discovering what I had the ability to accomplish in the face of extreme adversity. I refused to accept the fact that I would never play football again because it was my passion and I could not fail. I worked tirelessly through six months of intense rehabilitation lasting over four hours a day to return to form physically. More so, I worked mentally through repeated three-hour film study sessions, which often left me as the last person in the building, even after coaches had left for the evening. My efforts were validated and rewarded the moment that I stepped onto the field to play against the University of Arizona that following fall (even if it was at the hands of a 45-24 throttling). I had shown myself that regardless of naysayers I could accomplish anything that I set my mind to.
That same year, I enrolled into a criminology course that changed my life. I sat in on a lecture by Mr. Ray Krone and afterwards I knew I wanted to study the law. Mr. Krone was (under) represented and wrongfully convicted of murder where he served ten years before his exoneration. When Mr. Krone told the details of his story, I listened intently to the facts and all I could think was how the state had failed him in appointing his representation. Afterwards, I was fortunate enough to speak with Mr. Krone extensively about the details of his case and it lit a fire in me to attend law school. I wanted to work as an attorney for the state to protect defendants from the same injustice.
However, financial obstacles stemming from my mothers’ gambling addiction led me to postpone law school to instead enlist into the Marine Corps following graduation. Like football, law school is my passion and I refuse to fail for a lack of effort or inability. I may not be the typical “fresh out of undergraduate” law student but I do offer a diverse background and a work ethic second to no one. Although, this does not guarantee my success, my perseverance to play college football serves as a testament and example of a parallel desire to study the law.

DS
Growing up in the Catholic Church I learned early on about the importance of being humble and have been reminded (sometimes more often than I desire) to stay humble. I followed my dream of playing college football as an undergraduate student and almost immediately had that dream derailed. I was left at a crossroads when an injury that required surgery nearly ended my college football career before it had even began. When I was told that I would never play football again, I worked tirelessly to make a successful recovery that culminated by making the team the following season. That same year, as a freshman year I also realized my other dream to practice law. I knew it would not be easy to do so and worked very hard to raise my grades and earn scholarships that exemplified that hard work. Everything was going to plan until my mother started secretly gambling. What my injury had been to football is what my mothers’ gambling addiction was to law school. I was absolutely devastated, again.
After the declaration that foreclosure of my parents’ home was imminent without my assistance, I had to give up my dream of playing football to work additional hours as a pizza delivery driver as well as empty my savings for law school. I had already been paying my way through school alone and was broke at that point. In addition, the constant three hundred fifty-mile trip to/from home caused my grades to drop dramatically. I worked through it however and finished school with a GPA over 3.0. As result of assisting my family I was left without the financial means to attend law school after graduation. My mothers’ gambling problem is easily the most difficult issue that I have ever had to deal with.
With that in mind, I recalibrated my plans and joined the Marine Corps to not only serve my country but also obtain the education benefits necessary for law school. In the Marine Corps I have been fortunate enough to serve overseas for four years in a host of foreign nations. I have also had the privilege to serve proudly alongside not only Marines but also all joint forces, which have been some of the most rewarding experiences of my life. As a result, I have learned how important cultural understanding and diversity are. The decision to join the Marine Corps is easily the best decision I have made to mature mentally and grow as a person.
While on active duty, I have held a second job, often working over twenty-five hours a week to create a savings necessary to start school. As a food service employee and a cashier respectively it has not been the most glorified work but it has kept me humble. Both jobs have also been subtle reminders of the importance of my long-term goals to practice law. Mostly, working a second job has given me a unique perspective of life outside of the military while still being in the military. It has also afforded me the opportunity to work around with many foreign nationals I would not have otherwise had. In conjunction with the financial efforts made I have made many efforts to grow mentally as well.
I started the University of Oklahoma Masters of Human Relations program in 2015 and will graduate in May 2016 with a cumulative GPA of 3.67. My experience at Oklahoma has been great and the knowledge I have gained is invaluable. I am ecstatic to be a potential law student this fall and apply the information I have learned from this program as well as the multitude of other life changing experiences to the passion I have to broaden my scope of the law. I am so grateful that my experiences over the last five years have allowed me to mature so much. I never gave up on my dream to attend law school and approach the pursuit of my Juris Doctorate with the same tenacity.

Hi Frank,

Thanks for posting this. I only have a second, but I wanted to add a thought here. The one piece of advice that I'd give you is to go through this again and look at every word becauseI see a lot of extra words here. For example in the first sentence this would be more direct: "I awoke groggy from the surgery. and noticed The surgeon hovered above me, ready about to deliver the news..." That's not perfect but it is more direct. There are other instances of small editing issues (for example, you say "ever" when you mean "never" a bit later in the essay). Go through this carefully with a fine-tooth comb and find every extra word and strike it out, and make sure there are no editing errors of any kind!

Thanks!